Live Q&A Session Tomorrow Night!

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Have a question you’ve been dying to ask The Director of The Meow? Now’s your chance! Join us on Facebook live TOMORROW night and ask away! In addition, we will also be picking the winners of the three free Messianic Meow T-shirts to celebrate our first year of existence!

Happy 1st Birthday to The Messianic Meow!

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Happy 1st birthday to us!! It was one year ago today that we published our first article. As a thank you to our fans, we’ve got a special giveaway going on on our Facebook page! Make sure you head on over there, so you don’t miss out (hint: it’s a free Messianic Meow T-shirt)! 🙂

Guest Post by Rabbi Matt Rosenberg | Messianic Rabbi Starts GoFundMe Page for Beard Oil

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A fantastic beard and great beard maintenance are an expectation that most people have for a Rabbi. Great beard maintenance means using lots of beard oil. It is believed to also be a throwback to the days of the High Priest, Aaron, who poured manly scented oil all over his beard. It is rumored that his beard actually built the Golden Calf from residue alone.

Recently, when Messianic Rabbi Shmuel Goldenfarb ran out of beard oil, he said to his wife, “I need more beard oil or people will leave our Synagogue and stop tithing.” His wife responded, “We can only afford one bottle of beard oil a year; that stuff is expensive.” That’s when Goldenfarb had an idea! He could raise the money on the interwebs! Of course not knowing how to use a computer, he called his Grandson, who quickly set up a GoFundMe for a year’s supply of beard oil.

Beard oil was much cheaper back in the day, but with the rise of Evangelical Hipster Pastors and their attempt to look like a cooler version of their favorite reformation preacher, the price has sky rocketed! At press time, Goldenfarb has raised eighteen cents towards his $150 goal. Turns out the eighteen cents was a mistake, when a Bubbe in Michigan meant to give eighteen cents to her grandson’s college fund because the number 18 represents “life.”

Goldenfarb noted that with all of the expectations that congregants put on a Messianic Rabbi, having to worry about how to afford beard oil should not be one them. You can help today and maybe even consider donating a bottle of beard oil to your Rabbi this coming Rosh Hashanah. Don’t worry, he won’t dip apples in it.

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Anonymous | Messianic Judaism Sees Major Wave of Circumcision Reversal Surgeries for Gentiles

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Brooklyn, New York’s fastest growing Plastic Surgery practice attributes their intense level of growth to the large number of Brit Milah reversal procedures performed upon Messianic Gentiles who, upon embarking on their journey to follow Messianic Judaism with full commitment of heart, “committing their life and limb,” so to speak, were circumcised. Peter Tipoff, a former Baptist, who while searching Scriptures and was stunned to find out Yeshua (Jesus) was Jewish, was led to search for Jewish people who believed in Yeshua. His search led him to a Messianic Synagogue in a major Northeast city and he started attending services regularly. When interviewed, Tipoff said, “I felt so at home and such a part of the family, I began first to use Hebrew terms, then advanced to wearing a kippah and tallit in synagogue. After a while I started to wear tzitzit on my belt loops. From there I felt it was time that I ‘went all in’ and had a Brit Milah.” It was only after further investigating that Tipoff found that the Scriptures do not require Gentiles to fulfill the mitzvah of circumcision.

Plastic Surgeon, Doctor T. Ikun, stated, “I never expected to see so many Gentile men who loved God so much they were willing to suffer so much to feel like part of the family.” He also added, “I never imagined that almost half of my practice would involve this kind of restoration surgery.”

A local Messianic Rabbi, who asked not to be identified, shared with us, “Messianic Judaism’s attraction to people of the Nations grew so quickly that we were somewhat unprepared for the sudden growth and were a little behind in trying to nip this in the bud. But we think we are making progress in teaching and hope to see a marked decline in the need for reversal surgeries.”

It is our hope Doctor T. Ikun’s practice can return shortly to primarily working on nose jobs.

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Introvert Deliberately Gives Her Cold to Anyone Who Shakes Her Hand During Congregational Greeting Time

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Richmond, VA – 28 year old Rachel Cantor is over it. She really just is. Cantor is Messianic, but she is also an introvert. An introvert who loves Yeshua, but an introvert no less. Cantor has no control over the mandatory greeting time that Tikvat Israel Messianic Synagogue in Richmond, VA has established during their Saturday morning Torah service, but she says there is no way around this without missing the actual service. Cantor is so committed to attending 100% of every service, that she has even known to show up when she is ill.

“Look, it’s not my fault the old Jews in my congregation can’t keep their hands to themselves,” Cantor wrote in her blog. “I try to slump down in my seat so people know not to acknowledge me, but it doesn’t work. I just want to keep to myself, but these people insist on not only trying to make small talk with me during the two minutes of greeting time (that feel like an hour when you’re in introvert), but they have to shake my hand or touch my shoulder too. So maybe I had a cold this weekend. And then maybe I licked my hand, knowing they would all feel a burning desire to touch it. I can neither confirm nor deny intentionally getting them all sick. But if I had, they certainly deserved it. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. No, Seriously. Just keep your hands to yourself. I really don’t get it. And I’m over it. So over it.”

In a modern day tale of introvert induced chemical warfare, 15 congregants mysteriously came down with a cold after the aforementioned Shabbat service. Will they learn their lesson? It is more than likely that they not only did not learn their lessons, but may walk around with their used kleenex in their hands as they touch as many people as possible, spreading the germs even further. This behavior sickens us.

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Merchandise is here!!!

Swag is finally here!! Get your t-shirts to wear to summer conferences! We also have hoodies, totes, phone cases, mugs, etc.

 

https://messianicmeow.threadless.com

 

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Counting the Omer Darn Near Impossible for Today’s American Children, Thanks to Common Core Math

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Murca — Today is the 43rd day of the Omer, a Jewish tradition that counts 50 days from Passover to Shavuot, as instructed by God in Leviticus 23:15-17. Shavuot is the day The Torah was given to the Jews. It was also the day The Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) descended, and is widely known as “Pentecost” in Christian circles. While counting 50 days was once a simple task, it has since become nearly impossible for today’s American children, thanks to Common Core Math.

“My kids have run into all sorts of issues with this cockamamie Common Core Math,” says Sharon Levin, parent, “but I never expected it would affect our Jewish traditions; especially something as simple as counting. At least, I thought it was simple. It’s just really a shame what is happening to the education system in this country. If things don’t change, my children will never be able to count The Omer, count their blessings, or even count chocula. Thanks, Common Core Math. Thanks, Obama! Wait, is that still a thing?”

For those of us who did not grow up with Common Core Math, we can still count The Omer and can expect big blessings this coming Shavuot. As for the rest of you, you will probably still be blessed, but you won’t even see it coming. At least, I wouldn’t count on it.

 

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow