Rebecca Rudolf to be Abducted by Aliens Live On Stage at Messiah Conference

Rebecca Rudolf

Grantham, PA — Every annual conference has their yearly traditions, something you can always look forward to seeing or doing every time you go, and Messiah Conference is no exception. One of those traditions is a modern dance performed by Rebecca Rudolf, who incorporates choreography and special effects, typically using green screen animation. This year, Rebecca will venture to do something never been done before, as she is abducted by aliens live on stage.

“I knew, after my epic dance, ‘Flashlight,’ last year, that I was going to have to pull out all the stops this year, if I want to top that,” Rudolf stated, in an exclusive interview. “I normally use green screen for the special effects, but this year I actually found a spaceship of friendly aliens that agreed to fly into the auditorium and beam me up into the ship, live on stage. It’s definitely going to be one of the highlights of Messiah 2017. Also, please don’t publish this until after Conference is over. I want it to be a surprise.”

Rudolf’s 2017 dance is so under wraps, we weren’t even able to find out which night she will be performing. If you aren’t going to Messiah Conference, you can join 55,000 others who watch the livestream to see the performance of a lifetime, as well as all of the evening sessions and Saturday morning Torah service. Just visit http://messiahconference.org/live/. And don’t worry if you’re not able to watch live; all the videos will be available online the following day.

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

UMJC Executive Committee Rules Seth Klayman Allowed to Play Flute in Rabbis’ Band at Upcoming National Conference

SethKlayman

Los Angeles, CA – The Union of Messianic Jewish Congregations is preparing for their annual conference, which will take place July 12th-15th near Chicago. One of their traditions is having a band, that consists entirely of UMJC Rabbis, play at the conference. However, after Rabbi Seth Klayman was ousted as the Pied Piper of Messianic Judaism just a few weeks ago, a petition went around to prevent Klayman from being able to play his magical brainwashing flute as part of the UMJC Conference Rabbis’ band. After careful consideration, the UMJC Executive Committee has ruled that Rabbi Seth will be allowed to play his flute at the conference after all.

“Once the petition started going around to stop Rabbi Seth Klayman from playing in the Rabbis’ Band at the Union Conference, we knew we had to have a teleconference about this,” UMJC Vice President, Rabbi Dr. John Fischer explained, in a statement released by the UMJC. “We heard a very convincing argument presented to us by UMJC Secretary…Rabbi Seth Klayman, which he opted to play for us on his flute, rather than use his words. The committee unanimously agreed to allow Seth to play in the band, as well as donate $50,000 to his congregation. I am also now considering leaving my own congregation to move to Raleigh. I don’t know what just happened, I just know that I heard some beautiful flute music and I can’t wait to hear more at the Conference.”

You can hear Rabbi Seth and the rest of the Rabbis’ Band at the upcoming UMJC Conference in Skokie, IL. To register for the conference, visit www.eventbrite.com/e/union-conference-chicago-2017-tickets-32168486810

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Messiah Conference to Host First Ever Messianic Friars Roast

joel_liberman

Grantham, PA — The Messianic Jewish Alliance of America announced this week it would begin hosting Friars Roasts at its annual Messiah Conference, which will take place at Messiah College in Grantham, PA next week. Messiah Conference is notorious for showcasing the talents of Messianics, from dancers to musicians to authors, but the one thing that has long been missing from Messianic pop culture is organized comedy, and Messiah Conference has set forth a plan to change that, by publicly making fun of its leaders.

“We’ve finally reached a point in our culture where we feel the Messianic community is ready for organized Messianic humor,” said IAMCS Director of Operations, Rabbi Joel Liberman. “Since all Messianic Rabbis are struggling comedians, why not publicly roast each other? We have close to 55,000 people view the livestream of Messiah Conference every year, so this is a great way to unveil Messianic comedy to the world…and it sure beats asking that awful Messianic Meow to speak at Conference.”

The first annual Messianic Leader’s Roast will take place during the plenary session on the final evening of Messiah Conference, just before the Klezmarians perform to close out the conference. MJAA General Secretary and founder of Lamb, Joel Chernoff will be the first ever roastee and we expect to see jokes from such Rabbis as Matt Rosenberg, Joel Liberman, Jonathan Bernis, David Chernoff, and everybody’s favorite prankster, Rabbi Kevin Solomon. If you can’t make it to Messiah Conference this year, you’ll be able to watch all the evening sessions and Saturday morning Torah service at http://messiahconference.org/live/

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Merchandise is here!!!

Swag is finally here!! Get your t-shirts to wear to summer conferences! We also have hoodies, totes, phone cases, mugs, etc.

 

https://messianicmeow.threadless.com

 

Screen Shot 2017-06-01 at 7.04.54 PM

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Outbreak of Mosh Pit and Crowd Surfing at Latest UMJC Leadership Enrichment

moshpit

Richardson, TX – At the UMJC Leadership Enrichment meetings this week, Rabbi Dr. Michael Schiffman and his colleagues decided to take a break from hitting the cigars and go listen to the UMJC Rabbis’ band. “Something compelled me to go and hear them this year. Not sure what it was though,” Schiffman explained. “Usually their set isn’t exciting, not that interesting, and it’s the same old same old songs every single year that we hear in our congregations every week. But something told me this year would be different…”

What Schiffman found was one of the most fun nights of his life.

The whole UMJCY and UMJC20s, who were also invited to the meetings, led by Rabbi Kirk Gliebe, decided to storm the Hilton Doubletree Ballroom to hear their Rabbis play in a band.  The band, an annual UMJC tradition, comprised of Rabbi Rich Nichol on trombone and flute, Rabbi Nathan Joiner on Trumpet, Rabbi Tony Eaton on acoustic guitar, Rabbi Ben Eherenfeld on electric guitar, Rabbi Stuart Dauermann on the keyboard, Rabbi Barney Kasdan on bass, and Rabbi Howard Silverman on drums. The setlist included hits like “Come Let Us Go Down,” “The Trees of the Field Are Barking,” and even “It Is Average.”

In fact, Kirk started a mosh pit right in front of the mini-stage. “The band was  unbelievable!” explained Gliebe. “I thought starting a mosh pit wouldn’t actually work with our young people, but who knew it would be such a raging success indeed! It indeed felt like I was really going full forward for Messiah!”

A raging success it was indeed, as Rabbi Stuart Dauermann took a full-fledged stage dive off the mini-stage. “I felt The Ruach descending so heavily on that stage, and I trusted the hands of our capable young people,” said Dauermann. “Why not take the dive?”

The Meow caught up with one of the young people involved with the UMJCY, Yosef HaShmo from the crowd.  He attends Congregation Shaarei HaShamayim in Long Island, NY and just so happened to be at the Leadership Enrichment Meetings. “Dude, they were amazing,” said HaShmo, who was directly involved with the mosh pit. “When I heard those shofar blasts, something in my soul just burst out into excitement. I hope to be as cool as those guys one day when I grow up!”

For more on the fun opportunities at UMJC conferences and meetings, visit www.umjc.org

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Rival Street Gangs Chosen People Ministries and Jews for Jesus to Present Updated Version of West Side Story

westsidestory

Murca – Jets on the left, Sharks on the right, there’s gonna be a mitzvah tonight. Interesting news from the two largest Messianic Missionary organizations this week, as Chosen People Ministries and Jews for Jesus simultaneously announced they will be starring alongside each other in an updated version of the hit Broadway musical “West Side Story.” West Side Story, also known as a modern day Romeo and Juliet, revolves around two rival street gangs who struggle to co-exist with each other in 1950s New York City. This is somehow incredibly appropriate for two organizations that, for some reason, seem to compete against each other, if you will, while serving the exact same purpose.

“We wanted to show the world we can get along by pretending to fight,” explained Chosen People Ministries President, Dr. Mitch Glaser, on his blog. “In the new version of West Side Story, Chosen People Missionaries will be cast as Sharks and Jews for Jesus Missionaries will be cast as Jets. We’ve also updated the lyrics to reflect what we represent, such as ‘When you’re a Jew you’re a Jew all the way from your first matzah ball to your last dying day’ and ‘I’d like to go make Aliyah/But I can’t cuz I love Yeshua/Everything’s hard when you love Yeshua/Except for your heart cuz you love Yeshua.’ Also, instead of the rumbles being fought with weapons, we will be going back and forth with different tracts, which are essentially saying the same thing. Really, it doesn’t make sense for us to fight with each other at all when we have the exact same message, but musicals don’t always make sense. Hopefully it’ll make for a good show though.”

The new production is set to air on PBS on February 11th and you will also be able to purchase a copy of the show from chosenpeople.com and jewsforjesus.org

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

The 12 Most Influential Messianics Under 12

12under12

The Messianic Meow has compiled a list of the 12 most influential Messianics in America, who have yet to become old enough to be called to The Torah, yet are on pace to change the Messianic movement as we know it. In no particular order, here they are:

1) Eliana Wisenthal (4), Temple New Jerusalem, Dunedin, FL – At the ripe age of four years old, Eliana is already designing world class roller coasters with a velocity higher than the future Yeshualand location on The Moon. Eliana scored so well on Jewish Voice’s Predictive Index test, that President Bernis has already signed a contract with her to be Yeshualand’s primary roller coaster designer, in addition to writing her in as the sole beneficiary of his will.

2)  Elyana Salzberg (10), Ahavat Zion, Santa Monica, CA – Though she has already hit double digits and is no spring chicken, Elyana Salzberg has finally baked the world’s largest challah, that is said to be able to feed the entire population of Montana. The single loaf of bread measures 47 cubits long and weighs 180lbs.

3)  Ellyana Granneman (9), Brit Ahm, Pensacola, FL – Ellyana Granneman is the first person in the history of Messianic Judaism to invent a new form of Davidic Dancing that combines both dancing and eating at the same time, proving to be truly Jewish. Ellyana also choreographed Marty Goetz’s Broadway musical, “They Tried To Kill Us, We Won, Let’s Eat” and she is expected to win a Tony Award for her choreography…and we ain’t lai-in’!

4)  David Ruthstein (7), Keren Ohr, Savannah, GA – At just seven years old, David Ruthstein holds the world record for the longest Tekiah Gedolah. David is able to hold out the note on the shofar for a full 17 minutes. David was instrumental in orchestrating the upcoming Yeshualand Philharmonic that will be performing at the grand opening of both the Arizona and Seattle locations. David can also be found blowing his shofar at inappropriate times, such as outside, during a hurricane.

5)  David Benafuchi (6), Adat HaTikvah, Deerfield, IL – David Benafuchi is a boy genius and can chant the entire Torah, from memory. On top of this, he can also do hagbah one handed. Come to think of it, David’s parents have yet to produce his birth certificate, so he may possibly just be a very small adult. That would also explain the full grown beard.

6)  Elliana Rosenplaza (6), Beth Messiah, Cincinnati, OH – Six year old Elliana Rosenplaza is the youngest Shadchen in the movement. Though she is currently missing four of her teeth, she has already arranged nine marriages, three of which are already expecting their first children. Baby, you’re the greatest!

7)  David Sanders (8), Mayim Chayim, Daphne, AL – David Sanders attends a synagogue in Alabama. Mazel tov, David!

8)  David Orbach (11), Lev HaShem, Las Vegas, NV – Though his voice hasn’t even changed yet, David Orbach is the first official Messianic Mohel. David will be traveling the country performing Brit Milot upon request. He’s great about not getting too snippy about last minute ceremonies.

9)  Eliana Hernandez (2), Restoration, Seattle, WA – Baby Eliana isn’t such a baby anymore. Though she technically isn’t even potty trained, Eliana is near complete on writing her first Kosher Whole 30 cook book. Her creativity is delicious!

10) Eliana Cohen (5), Kol Mashiach, Melbourne, FL – Eliana Cohen, our little negotiator, who was able to talk The Rosen into lowering conference prices even more than they already were. Eliana is well on her way to being the youngest conference junkie ever and  she’s not even in Kindergarten yet. And they say you can’t teach children to haggle.

11) Noah Adler (9), Tree of Life, San Diego, CA – Noah Adler can garden with the best of them. Noah commutes between San Diego and Israel every week to plant trees for Bar Mitzvah boys and Bat Mitzvah girls. Adler says he hopes to eventually branch out beyond Bar and Bat Mitzvah gifts.

12) Eliana Lavin (11), Baruch HaShem, Dallas, TX – Eliana Lavin is busy in Texas raising pigs to chew cud, so that they can be considered Kosher animals. And by Kosher, of course we mean Biblically Kosher, AKA “Messianic Kosher.”

Keep an eye out for these youngsters; soon they will be the ones arguing with each other over trivial things that only hinder the Messianic movement from progressing, rather than building God’s kingdom, like it should be!

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow