Conference Junkies to be Recognized at Summer Conferences with Special Serrated Half Ribbon Underneath Their Name Badges

Conference Enthusiasts Name Badge

Murca — Interesting news from the Greater Messianic Movement this week, as President Bernis announced Conference Junkies will finally get the recognition they crave. Beginning with the inaugural Conference Conference, which takes place this coming weekend, all major Messianic Organizations have agreed to add a special serrated half ribbon underneath the name badges of anyone who has attended four or more Messianic conferences in the last year and a half, that will read “Conference Enthusiast.” This may seem like overkill, but Conference Junkies help make the Movement go ‘round.

“I am so happy that my incessant conference attending is finally going to pay off,” said notorious Conference Junkie, Stephanie Escalante. “Don’t get me wrong, there are many other benefits to attending all these conferences, but it’s about time we get something in return, even if it is just a ribbon underneath my nametag. I will cherish it forever. Plus, I think it’ll give me some street cred with the UMJC Rabbis. I’ve mostly been involved with the MJAA, but I’m the new UMJC Leadership Development Program Manager and I really think having this ribbon on my name badges will make a world of difference for me trying to make a name for myself within the Union.”

The new ribbons will automatically come attached to the name badges of anyone meeting the aforementioned requirements. There is nowhere to sign up for this accolade; we just know who you are. Oh, we know. Everyone knows.

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Messianic Band How to Fly Changes Name to ‘How to Fly to the Moon,’ in Anticipation of Forthcoming Messianic Moon Colony

How to Fly

Atlanta, GA – Indie Messianic band, How to Fly, announced this week they would be changing their name to “How to Fly to the Moon,” in anticipation of the forthcoming Messianic Moon colony that was announced last September. Since the idea of the colony was unleashed to everyone, people all over the movement are working to prepare for the big move, and How to Fly is not going to be caught twiddling their thumbs when it happens.

“We love the idea of all Messianics living together in one place, even if we have to leave the planet to do so,” said How to Fly lead singer and guitarist, Isaac Faraco. “Though, if you ask me, some Messianics have already left the planet, you know what I’m saying? Just kidding. But in all seriousness, we would love it if President Bernis would choose us to be the official band of the Moon colony, which is why we’re changing our name to ‘How to Fly to the Moon.’ Because we’re going to fly to The Moon, get it? There are many Messianic bands and recording artists, but we will be the only ones with ‘Moon’ in our name. Please, God, don’t let Nate Benjamin change his name to ‘Nate Benjamoon.’ Anyway, we can’t wait for this colony that is gonna be out of this world!”

While most are excited about the name change, others wonder if How to Fly to the Moon intentionally announced it to coincide with the release of their new single, Kaleidoscope, that you can find on iTunes. To listen to more of How to Fly to the Moon’s music, visit www.howtoflymusic.com

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Millions of Jewish and Gentile Believers Come Together to Name New Baby Giraffe ‘Jesus is The Messiah’

BabyGiraffe

Murca — April the Giraffe, who rose to celebrity status by being pregnant for a year and a half, gave birth to a male calf this past weekend, and then was mercilessly slaughtered by Orthodox Rabbis who wanted to take advantage of giraffes being biblically Kosher. To raise funds for an upgrade of their giraffe encounter, Animal Adventure Park is having a contest to name the new baby giraffe. The wider believing community agreed to make the most of this incredible evangelistic opportunity and name the baby “Jesus is The Messiah.”

“Every believer can agree on one thing, and that’s that Jesus is The Messiah,” said Jonathan Bernis, President of the Messianic Movement. “Have you read that book ‘The One Thing’ by Gary Keller? It’s great! Anyway, our one thing is we all have the same Messiah, whether we are Jewish or Gentile. We put our feelers out through Jewish Voice, the MJAA, the UMJC, Jews for Jesus, Chosen People, Tikkun, First Fruits of Zion, The Tree of Life Bible Society, Life in Messiah, The Messianic Times, and our partnering Christian ministries and everyone agreed naming the baby giraffe ‘Jesus is The Messiah’ is an evangelistic opportunity that we should not pass up. We decided our message would reach more people if we used the name Jesus, instead of Yeshua. That baby will have a long name, but it will be worth it. Plus, if it can’t hack it as a giraffe, it can always become a race horse.”

Animal Adventure Park is allowing people to pay to vote for names for the new calf. There is no maximum of votes, but there is a minimum of five. Each vote costs $1. Please visit www.nameaprilscalf.com to vote to name the new baby ‘Jesus is The Messiah’ and help get our message out!

 

 

Donate to Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Jacob Rosenberg’s Son Turns Five, Becomes Youngest Ordained Rabbi in IAMCS History

shmulyrosenberg

Chicago, IL – Historic news out of the Chicago Messianic community yesterday, as Rabbi Jacob Rosenberg’s son, Shmuly*, celebrated his fifth birthday and was immediately ordained as an IAMCS Rabbi, via FaceTime, making him the youngest ordained Rabbi in IAMCS history. Shmuly has chosen to follow in the footsteps of his Father, Messianic Rabbi Jacob Rosenberg, his Uncle, Messianic Rabbi Matt Rosenberg, his Grandfather, Messianic Rabbi David Rosenberg, and his Great-Uncle, Messianic Rabbi Jan Rosenberg.

Jacob Rosenberg was officially ordained as the fourth Rosenberg Rabbi last month at The IAMCS Rabbi’s Conference in Orlando, and the family was immediately presented with a buy-four-ordinations-get-one-free punch card, with no expiration date on it. Upon leaving the conference, The Rosenberg Clan had an emergency meeting at their family compound on Martha’s Vineyard to discuss what to do about the punch card, so as not to let it go to waste. After Matt Rosenberg’s six year old son, Shlomo* announced he wants to be a Dentist when he grows up, the family chose to option him to AAA, AKA “Youth Ministry,” until he could come to his senses. Thus leaving the soon to be five year old, Shmuly, as the obvious choice, by default.

President Bernis said, between the IAMCS and the UMJC, very few Frequent Ordainer punch cards have been handed out, though he is expecting that the next one turned in will come from either the Tokajer or Waldman/Klayman camps.

If you’d like to show your support for Shmuly’s new found career path, you may post on social media using the hashtag #TheRosenbergDynastyContinues

*Name changed to protect a minor

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Messianic Judaism Ceases to Exist After Manna Recording Suddenly Disbands

mannarecording

Murca – Strange news this week as Manna Recording and Duplication announced it has disbanded after seven years in business. Manna Recording, the company that has been responsible for recording and making CDs of all sessions from Messianic conferences, has split up over “creative differences.” Sadly, it turns out they were actually the glue that held Messianic Judaism together. Without them, there’s no proof that conferences happened and without conferences, there’s just really no point.

Wendy Orth, the now former Owner of Manna Recording, issued a statement that was sent out in an e-mail blast to both the MJAA and UMJC mailing lists: “We know you’ve enjoyed using our services to record all your conference sessions for the last seven years, but all good things must come to an end. Unfortunately, you people just have too many conferences to keep up with and it has taken a toll on us over the years. We wish you all the best of luck in your future endeavors and will see you again when Messiah returns. Which, given the current state of the world, may be sooner than we think. Anyway, thank you all for your years of loyalty. It’s much appreciated.”

“And then I woke up from that terrible dream,” said President Bernis. “Must have been some bad sushi or something. Anyway, let’s make sure to thank Manna Recording for all that they do; they truly are the unsung heroes of Messianic Judaism.”

www.mannarecording.com

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Joe Miterko | Dr. Greg Silverman to Conduct Yeshualand Philharmonic Orchestra

gregsilverman

Arizona, Murca – With the unveiling of Yeshualand Arizona, home state of the headquarters of President Jonathan Bernis’ Jewish Voice Ministries International (JVMI), some big things are happening, including the creation of a full-size Messianic Philharmonic Orchestra, The Yeshualand Players, who will perform at the grand opening of both the upcoming Arizona and Seattle locations.

The instrumentation of the Yeshualand Players Ensemble includes a 54-piece shofar section of different shapes, forms and sizes, a 128-piece tambourine section, and even 18 flag wavers and dancers.

Dr. Greg Silverman will be conducting the Yeshualand Players, and Rabbi Rich Nichol will be featured on jazz flute, soaring on top of the beautiful orchestra.  We had a chance to catch up with both of them.

“I’m overjoyed to be playing with these cats,” says Nichol, who’s always looking for a good opportunity to use his excellent music skills. “Not only will we be in a beautiful location for a good cause, it’ll just be a great time to play with the boys in the band. It’ll be a different sound – shofars and flute – and tambourines. Wow. Let’s hope we can keep the beat and stay on the ball with Dr. Greg.”

Dr. Greg couldn’t agree more. “This is a big step our Movement has never seen in its history. A Philharmonic orchestra! How amazing!!”

Says President Bernis, who will be joining the ensemble on Bass Shofar, “Our movement is getting ready to hear a joyful noise it has never heard before. Get those groggers ready. If the debut goes well, we’re taking this on the road. Look out, Messiah ’17; The Yeshualand Players are ready for you!”

As always, Manna Recording will be there to make sure CDs will be available of these performances. They can be purchased on site or at www.jewishvoice.org. For more information on Dr. Greg Silverman, visit www.gregsilverman.com and Rich Nichol visit www.ruachisrael.org

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow

Guest Post by Craig Arbour | Lev HaShem Messianic Synagogue to Hold New Reality Show to Find Their Next Rabbi

rabbicompetition

Las Vegas, NV – Lev HaShem Messianic Synagogue of Las Vegas is pleased to announce their new Internet Reality show “Lev Hashem’s Next Rabbi.”

“We have been without a spiritual leader for over a year and a half now. What better way to choose a replacement, than through a competition show?” Says Karen Gloyd, of the Lev HaShem board.

15 possible Rabbis will compete weekly in different events, such as “Speed Torah Scrolling,” “Best Drash in under 20 minutes,” and “Congregational Referee.”

Each week the Rabbis will be scored by celebrity judges, including Matt Rosenberg, Jonathan Bernis, John Tesh, Paul Wilbur, and the leader of the Real Complete Jewish Synagogue, Joel Liberman. Each week one Rabbi will be eliminated in a gripping “Kippah Ceremony.”

The winner of the competition will win a one year contract with Lev HaShem, a trip to Yeshualand for their whole family, and a copy of the new Messianic version of Sesame Street “Tahini Street.”

Celebrity Host for the show will be Sharon Wilbur of The Havdalah Spice Girls.

For more information on the search for the new Rabbi, please visit www.levhashem.org

 

Support The Meow: www.patreon.com/messianicmeow