Israeli Messianic Band MIQEDEM Working on Greatest Hits Album

MIQEDEM

Tel Aviv, Israel — Messianic Judaism’s favorite band, MIQEDEM, announced last week they are working on their second album. After exploding to Messianic fame in the last year, including a US tour, the demand is high enough to record a sophomore album just a little over a year after releasing their debut album. The Messianic world is waiting with bated breath to see what Jamie Hilsden and his crew will come up with next.

“I’ve been part of many many many Messianic bands and MIQEDEM has found the greatest success, by far,” lead singer and guitarist, Jamie Hilsden, said in a video on MIQEDEM’s Indiegogo page. “People love to listen to our songs on repeat. In fact, when we played the UMJC conference in July, the crowd wanted us to keep going, but we were out of songs. So we just went through our album again and everyone loved it. I don’t know if they even noticed, and I think it’s because they don’t understand what we’re singing about, because American Messianics don’t understand Hebrew. So after that we realized we could probably release a greatest hits album already. We’ll get money from selling two albums and we don’t even have to write any new material. It’s a win-win situation.”

MIQEDEM is raising money to record their second album, which will include every song from their first album, plus Elohim Lanu and Kol HaNeshama. If you’d like to help MIQEDEM reach their goal of $23,200 to record their new album, you may donate here: www.indiegogo.com/projects/miqedem-album-2#/

 

 

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Live Q&A Session Tomorrow Night!

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Have a question you’ve been dying to ask The Director of The Meow? Now’s your chance! Join us on Facebook live TOMORROW night and ask away! In addition, we will also be picking the winners of the three free Messianic Meow T-shirts to celebrate our first year of existence!

Rebecca Rudolf to be Abducted by Aliens Live On Stage at Messiah Conference

Rebecca Rudolf

Grantham, PA — Every annual conference has their yearly traditions, something you can always look forward to seeing or doing every time you go, and Messiah Conference is no exception. One of those traditions is a modern dance performed by Rebecca Rudolf, who incorporates choreography and special effects, typically using green screen animation. This year, Rebecca will venture to do something never been done before, as she is abducted by aliens live on stage.

“I knew, after my epic dance, ‘Flashlight,’ last year, that I was going to have to pull out all the stops this year, if I want to top that,” Rudolf stated, in an exclusive interview. “I normally use green screen for the special effects, but this year I actually found a spaceship of friendly aliens that agreed to fly into the auditorium and beam me up into the ship, live on stage. It’s definitely going to be one of the highlights of Messiah 2017. Also, please don’t publish this until after Conference is over. I want it to be a surprise.”

Rudolf’s 2017 dance is so under wraps, we weren’t even able to find out which night she will be performing. If you aren’t going to Messiah Conference, you can join 55,000 others who watch the livestream to see the performance of a lifetime, as well as all of the evening sessions and Saturday morning Torah service. Just visit http://messiahconference.org/live/. And don’t worry if you’re not able to watch live; all the videos will be available online the following day.

 

 

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Guest Post by Rabbi Matt Rosenberg | Messianic Rabbi Starts GoFundMe Page for Beard Oil

Beard

A fantastic beard and great beard maintenance are an expectation that most people have for a Rabbi. Great beard maintenance means using lots of beard oil. It is believed to also be a throwback to the days of the High Priest, Aaron, who poured manly scented oil all over his beard. It is rumored that his beard actually built the Golden Calf from residue alone.

Recently, when Messianic Rabbi Shmuel Goldenfarb ran out of beard oil, he said to his wife, “I need more beard oil or people will leave our Synagogue and stop tithing.” His wife responded, “We can only afford one bottle of beard oil a year; that stuff is expensive.” That’s when Goldenfarb had an idea! He could raise the money on the interwebs! Of course not knowing how to use a computer, he called his Grandson, who quickly set up a GoFundMe for a year’s supply of beard oil.

Beard oil was much cheaper back in the day, but with the rise of Evangelical Hipster Pastors and their attempt to look like a cooler version of their favorite reformation preacher, the price has sky rocketed! At press time, Goldenfarb has raised eighteen cents towards his $150 goal. Turns out the eighteen cents was a mistake, when a Bubbe in Michigan meant to give eighteen cents to her grandson’s college fund because the number 18 represents “life.”

Goldenfarb noted that with all of the expectations that congregants put on a Messianic Rabbi, having to worry about how to afford beard oil should not be one them. You can help today and maybe even consider donating a bottle of beard oil to your Rabbi this coming Rosh Hashanah. Don’t worry, he won’t dip apples in it.

 

 

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Introvert Deliberately Gives Her Cold to Anyone Who Shakes Her Hand During Congregational Greeting Time

Introvert

Richmond, VA – 28 year old Rachel Cantor is over it. She really just is. Cantor is Messianic, but she is also an introvert. An introvert who loves Yeshua, but an introvert no less. Cantor has no control over the mandatory greeting time that Tikvat Israel Messianic Synagogue in Richmond, VA has established during their Saturday morning Torah service, but she says there is no way around this without missing the actual service. Cantor is so committed to attending 100% of every service, that she has even known to show up when she is ill.

“Look, it’s not my fault the old Jews in my congregation can’t keep their hands to themselves,” Cantor wrote in her blog. “I try to slump down in my seat so people know not to acknowledge me, but it doesn’t work. I just want to keep to myself, but these people insist on not only trying to make small talk with me during the two minutes of greeting time (that feel like an hour when you’re in introvert), but they have to shake my hand or touch my shoulder too. So maybe I had a cold this weekend. And then maybe I licked my hand, knowing they would all feel a burning desire to touch it. I can neither confirm nor deny intentionally getting them all sick. But if I had, they certainly deserved it. KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. No, Seriously. Just keep your hands to yourself. I really don’t get it. And I’m over it. So over it.”

In a modern day tale of introvert induced chemical warfare, 15 congregants mysteriously came down with a cold after the aforementioned Shabbat service. Will they learn their lesson? It is more than likely that they not only did not learn their lessons, but may walk around with their used kleenex in their hands as they touch as many people as possible, spreading the germs even further. This behavior sickens us.

 

 

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Prime Rabbinical Candidate Drops Out of Messianic Yeshiva Over Fear of Being “Meowed”

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Murca — Disturbing news this week as the UMJC’s first round draft pick, Adam Goldensilver, has left the online Rabbinical program at the Messianic Jewish Theological Institute. The news comes as an incredible shock, as Goldensilver was just three credit hours shy of completing the program, which would give him the requirements needed to be eligible to be ordained as a UMJC Rabbi. Sadly, nothing in this life is certain, and coming this far in the program, is clearly not enough to keep the commitment to being a Rabbi.

“When I first entered the Rabbinical program, there was no organized humor in Messianic Judaism,” Adam Goldensilver wrote, in a heartfelt apology letter, to the UMJC. “This thing [The Messianic Meow] came out of nowhere. They are writing about everyone and everything Messianic. They really are leaving no stone unturned. I am a human being and I take myself very seriously. I do not want to be satirized. I did not sign up for this; I signed up to serve in a humorless Messianic Judaism. It’s changing before my eyes and I just can’t. I can’t. I’m so very sorry, but I can’t do this.”

We’ve also received word that Goldensilver appears to have fled the country and left no trace behind. We wish Adam luck and hope that wherever he winds up, he finds a sense of humor.

 

 

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